Dear Diary…

Running scared

I'm really scared about being depressed! I'm worried I won't notice that I'm on a high and then it'll smack me once I've come down. You know, 'Oh, things were good back then and now it's all an anti-climax and I'm all depressed'. Luckily I soon cheer up again and think, 'Oh, I'm actually not that bad!' And so the cycle goes on…

In the mood

I've got a charm that I carry around with me. It's a little face and half of it is really happy and the other half is really sad. I turn it around according to my mood. If I'm in a bad mood, I'll turn it to the happy side - to cheer me up. If someone's made me really angry, I turn it the grumpy way and then I'm allowed to be grumpy! It's called a moon-drop.

Boys only

When something's worrying me, I tend to confide with Bradley and Jon. They're both good listeners. Mind you, the last argument I had was with Bradley. We were fighting over space in the trailer! Usually I lock myself away when I'm feeling low. If I wanna be on my, I really wanna be on my own. Not even a very good friend could sort me out then. It's my head that needs to be untwisted by my own methods.

Will you be my friend?

I've been thinking… if I met myself in another life, there are some aspects about myself that I'd find very interesting. I can be very contradictory. If you asked a lot of people who know me well to describe me I guess they'd just say, 'He's a bit out there.' But I know that I contradict myself all the time. I'm always going off on a tangent, never sticking with one line of thought. Complicated and messy, that's me!

Shy guy

People often say, 'He's so confident, that Paul.' Sometimes when I'm walking about on set, I know some people are thinking 'Look at him! Look at the way he's walking! He's walking around as if he owns the place!' I don't know what it is. I guess it's cos I walk with my shoulders back and my chest out but my feelings aren't linked with my body language. I'm actually very shy, private and unconfident. I've got a big paranoia about confidence but then again I'm also a wild card, a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda guy! Someone once told me I was 'the loosest cannon they'd ever met'!

Show time!

It's weird but if I'd never joined S Club, right now I'd probably be getting ready to go on and do a musical in the West End. It's a very 'noughties' thing, a very modern thing to say, 'Oh. I don't regret it' but I think that's right. You should always channel any experience into a positive one, you're meant to do stupid things, but that kind of thinking's becoming fashionable now so it annoys me!

I would risk everything…

…For the truth - if it didn't bring about more problems. Sometimes lies can save other people upset. I hate people who are stubborn, narrow-minded and judgmental. Materialism's another trait I can't bear: Products are not that important compared with people.